Lindsay Lohan Stole My Life: A Satire of the 00s

Never given her rightful due in the 00s at the peak of the reign of white girl socialites like Paris Hilton, Tate Carmichael demands the spotlight be redirected back to her as she rehashes her tale. A tale of how the socialite world became riddled with riffraff at the (allegedly) unwitting hands of Lindsay Lohan, given “second” (a.k.a. millionth) chance after “second” chance to get her life together, the type of privilege that was once only reserved for socialites as opposed to C-rate actresses. This seemingly small butterfly effect, Tate maintains, is the cause of all that is wrong post-00s. In her damning account, no celebrity is spared. Carmichael scorches the earth with what’s left of her wealth (because, it’s true, money can buy anything, including tailored natural disasters). It’s her turn, after all, to be a star. Since it seems like literally everyone else is.